We are broken
by blahblahblah97
Summary: SPOILERS FOR CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER! All her covers are blown, time is running out, and she has something to say.


**AN: Hey guys! I was dissatisfied with the lack of Clintasha in Captain America: The Winter Soldier so I sorted it. :3 SPOILERS FOR IT!**

**Dancing around the dark, **

**As the dark is fading….**

**We are broken in a way that I can't change**

**It hurts too much to hold another day**

**With hearts wide open the hardest thing to say**

**Is sometimes you can't save what can't be saved….**

**-We are Broken by This, This silent war.**

It was dark when she called him, after meeting with Steve and Sam at Fury's grave. She needed to tell him, something she didn't tell him when she first got in touch with him.

"_Fury!" Natasha yelled over the roar of the chopper. "Where's Barton?" Fury was silent and Natasha felt her pulse start to race. "Fury! Was he on base when the helicarrier went down?!"_

"_Agent Romanoff-"_

"_Don't 'Agent Romanoff' me Nick, tell me if my damn partner was on base!"_

"_We have people to get out of there, and that is an order," Fury said sternly._

"_S.H.E.I.L.D. is over, Nick, I'm not your soldier anymore."_

"_Then Agent Barton isn't your partner."_

"_That's different, Fury, and you know it. Where. Is. Clint," she gritted out. _

_Fury sighed. "I don't know, Natasha. I'm supposed to be dead and Hill was underground, we couldn't find out without Hydra figuring out something else was up."_

"_If it were you, would you have put him on base at the time?" she asked as they circled the building, waiting for Steve or Sam to get back to them._

_Fury doesn't answer her, and she shakes her head with a grimace._

"_Of course you would. He's one of S.H.E.I.L.D.'s top agents, and he's an Avenger. He's going to side with Steve, so he's a threat. They'd want to eliminate that threat."_

_Fury's hands deftly flick the switches on the helicopter and fly them round again. "I'm sorry, Romanoff."_

Her hands shake just like they did when she finally reached him that day. The day where she lost everything, but gained everything at the same time. .I.L.D. was gone, yes, and many of her comrades didn't make it, but Natasha never claimed to be a selfless person. That day all the lies ended, and she could be herself-all of herself. The Avenger, The Black Widow, the Russian spy, the assassin, the woman.

"_Out of all of us, no one's fucking phone survived?!" she fumed as they landed at the hospital. They had picked up Sam-literally- and spent a while looking for Steve before finding him on a river bank, half unconscious and with no recollection of how he got there. "Bucky," he muttered, "Where is Bucky?"_

_Sam patted his friend on the soldier, looking after at the war zone that was S.H.E.I.L.D. headquarters. "We haven't found him yet, Cap. But we'll find him."_

_Everyone was wondering whether it would be dead or alive. _

_Natasha stormed ahead into the hospital, leaving the rest of them in her wake. A frazzled nurse at the front desk was greeted with a brisk. "Phone."_

"_Excuse me?" The nurse asked as other people bustled in and out of the doors._

"_I need to use your phone, right now. It's an emergency."_

"_As you can tell we're very busy right now-"_

_Natasha slammed her hand on the desk. "I know how busy it is, I was in the middle of it, fighting! Now give me the goddamn phone so I can see if my partner is alive!"_

_The stunned nurse finally took a good look at Natasha, her eyes widening as she took in the woman in front of her whom her colleagues were talking about earlier. She silently hands over the phone. _

"_Thank you."_

With shaking hands, the new-not-so-improved Natasha dials the oh so familiar number.

"_Please pick up, please pick up…."_

_The phone continued ringing._

"_Don't do this to me Barton," she whispered. "Clint…."_

"_Yello?" his voice was crystal clear on the other end of the phone. "Who is this?" Natasha let out a breath she didn't know she had been holding, and Clint knew who it was, an urgency filling his tone. "Nat? Did you get out of there? I know you were probably in the middle of the fray."_

"_I'm fine, I'm okay. Where were you? Were you on base when the helicarrier went down?"_

_Clint swore on the other end of the phone. "It went down?"_

"_You mean…you didn't know?" she asked, confused._

"_I was off base, I started back to base the minute I caught word about what was going on. I couldn't get through the traffic, I'm starting to get to the island now. I'll come get you."_

"_No, no, I'm not there. I'm-I'm at the hospital."_

"_Is-"_

"_Yeah. He is. But Steve-Cap almost didn't make it out. He's in ICU right now."_

"_That sneaky son of a bitch," Clint whistled. "I knew it. And will he be okay?" Concern laced his voice, and Natasha could hear the blare of the horn of his car. _

"_Yeah, yeah, he should be fine. We got out okay. I-I don't know about anyone else. But then again, I don't know who was with us and who was against us." She swallowed. "Where were you, Barton?" she asked roughly._

"_I was sent off base-"_

"_That's impossible, no way would Hydra have sent you off base. They wanted you dead. They wanted us all dead." _

"_Well I was. Agent 13-"_

"_Sharon?" Natasha asked in surprise. Steve's neighbour?_

"_Yeah, Sharon Carter. She said I was needed off base and set me off with co-ordinates. Didn't realise until I was out of range that it was a code. Then she changed all my codes so I couldn't get back in even if I tried."_

"_That was….smart. I'm going to have to thank her." Nat said finally, the weight of Carter's actions weighing heavily on her. She had stuck out her neck to get Clint out of there, and Natasha respected that. _

"_So…you're okay?" Clint asked again uncertainly._

_Nat's mouth twitched. She debated telling him, but chose not to. "Yeah," she said finally. "I could really do with a shawarma, actually." Clint laughed down the phone._

"It's Barton," he answered.

"Clint?" Natasha asked unsteadily. Clint leaned forward in his seat in his apartment, alert.

"Is everything okay?" he asked. "Where are you?"

Natasha cleared her throat. "Remember when everything went down and I told you I was fine?"

"Yeah?" Clint replied, unsure of where this was going.

"I lied." Natasha cleared her throat. "I died that day."

Clint was silent on the other end, until he had steadied his voice. "What do you mean by that exactly?"

"Pierce, he had these badges and they melt- oh never mind, but I had to shock myself to deactivate it and distract him so Fury could kill him."

"Right."

"It turns out the spider bites are stronger than I thought they'd be," she said slowly.

"Yeah, they are. I know. I've been on the receiving end of them a few times," he replied wryly.

"Yeah….sorry. So I….I blacked. And my life flashed, as cheesy as that sounds. But it's supposed to be the good things, right?"

"So I hear," Clint replied, standing up and starting to pace.

"Well, that's what it was. And you know my life. It's been nothing but pain, torture and misery. Somehow, though, I got some good memories in."

"I see."

"They were all with you," Natasha blurted out uncharacteristically. "From the minute I met you, every good memory is with you, about you, because of you. And I didn't tell you-I didn't tell you because I still kept one lie. One mask, one persona, after all of them were out there for the world to see."

"And what is that?" he whispered.

"That I don't love you. I love you, Clint. I do. And when I thought you were dead-I-I couldn't handle it. I was going out of my freaking mind. And then I heard your voice and I had never been sure of anything in my life."

She shuffled her feet. "You have no idea how long I have waited for you to say that," Clint breathed. "I love you."

Natasha smiled bigger than she ever had before. "All my covers are blown, Clint. And I don't want to find a new one."

"You don't have to. You'll never have to with me again. And will you just get up here already, and stop hanging around my apartment block like a weirdo like you have been doing for half an hour before you called me?"

"Guilty as charged."

"I know you, Nat. All of you. Every inch, every scar, every persona and lie. You can't find the truth sometimes, but I always will. You're my partner, my best friend, and I love you. Nothing will change that."


End file.
